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Original Airdate: 03/01/99
It's the middle of the night when all of the Camden kids hear strange noises coming from Simon's room. When they open the door, they find him throwing things around his room looking for his lost Red Lightning Ring. Annie asks why he hasn't outgrown his ring yet. Simon says he needs it to protect him against the curse of the middle Camden kid.The next day, Matt is trying to decide his college major at the kitchen table but not getting too far. Eric goes to the living room to meet with a couple from the church. When he shows them into his office, Eric is shocked when the man says he wants a divorce. He says he has been feeling this way for years, but he didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings. He refuses Eric's offer to help talk it over.
Up in his room, Simon is trying to place a horseshoe over the door when Ruthie comes in complaining how everybody likes the babies. Simon asks if Ruthie answered the chain letter he asked her to. Mary tells Lucy she has to get out of the house or she'll die. Lucy is also going stir crazy.
On his way to the campus, Matt stops by the Army recruiting office. Inside, he talks over with one of the recruiting officers how long he would have to stay in the service and how much he would get paid. Matt decides to take the aptitude test and tells the officer he is interested in the aviation area of the service.
Eric keeps trying to console the lady whose husband just said he wanted a divorce… but it seems like every member of the family gives their own advice throughout the day. Meanwhile, Ruthie is really starting to get annoying trying to be the center of attention. Mary finds the lady's purse in the kitchen, and she starts celebrating that now she has a reason to get out of the house.
That evening, Matt doesn't want to tell his mom without his dad home, but he finally gives in. When he tells her he joined the army she can't believe her ears. When Mary and Lucy are on their way to take the purse, they run into a couple of guys who tell them to meet them at the burger place later. They say no at first, but later agree. They meet the guys and have a shake in the car. The girls do a fire drill with the guys in the middle of a busy intersection and as they run around the car, Ted crashes right into the station wagon. The girls are in shock when they see who the driver is.
After Eric goes to talk to Ted, who has been drinking, he goes to see Emily. She says that once he makes his mind up, it's made up for good. Eric tells her he doesn't believe in divorce, but Ted does. He says it's interesting how he had to ask her to marry him but he doesn't have to ask her to have a divorce.
Eric comes home, and Annie blows it that he has joined the Army. Annie is upset, and all Eric can do is make a joke about him cutting his hair. Even though Annie is hysterical, Eric is intrigued that they pay $50,000 and Matt would get a job too. He says this IS Matt's decision, but he urges him to think it over.
The next morning, Lucy is still in shock and both her and Mary have been crying. Eric and Annie go to talk to the girls and they comfort them. Annie tells the girls that Ted was drunk. The girls seem a little surprised their parents aren't mad. They tell their parents they were playing fire drill, and that is why they weren't in the car when it was hit.
Matt goes back to the recruitment center to pick up his scores. Ted and Emily come to the house to offer an apology. Even though the girls accept his apology, Annie does not. Annie explodes on him about his marriage, driving drunk and really lays into him. When Matt comes back to the house, he tells his parents that he failed the admissions test for becoming a pilot.